30 for 30: observations on & impressions of a (mostly) self-inflicted isolation haircut

• a defective Davy Crockett coonskin cap
• the early stages of an unintentional mullet
• a low-grade mohawk
• a savings of at least $15-20 dollars
• a category 3 neck twister
• a par-one mini-golf bottleneck hole
• a monochromatic overview of a developing series of weather events
• a bird’s nest
• endless hours of laughter and free home entertainment for the entire family
• a cosmetology mannequin
• the face of a grizzly bear
• a new consequence of having to bear a double crown
• a new fad
• inexplicable urge to watch movie Hair
• job security for barbers & cosmetologists
• inexplicable urge to watch movie Hairspray
• proof that clipper levels for barber razors & beard trimmers are significantly different
• inexplicable urge to watch movie Sweeney Todd
• proof that beard trimmers should come labeled with warnings
• inexplicable urge to shoot movie when hairy met salon (home version)
• hair parts (and some film parts) are overrated
• gratitude for not having “eyes in the back of your head”; they would have been severely damaged
• symmetry is overrated
• a factory-damaged mahogany end table
• baldness is underrated
• even when used for heads, beard trimmers should come with extensions
• hair extensions should come with beard trimmers
• proof that you should probably just finish what you started instead of asking “someone” in your house to “block & even up the back”
• reminder never to turn around and start doing something else during Zoom meetings
• reminder to keep chin up, head back, and…laugh.